Talking to an aging parent or family member about getting older, their plans for the future, needing assistance with daily activities, or even where to live isn’t easy. Although unpleasant at times, it’s a necessary conversation to have well before an emergency situation occurs. Use these tips to open the lines of communication and start having conversations about their future.
- Make a list of concerns you have for your parent or family member. For example, you may be worried about their physical safety at home or their ability to manage their medications independently. Write down everything that concerns you. While addressing your concerns, also try to guide the conversation with questions that allow them to express their thoughts and plans.
- Research different senior living options. As you educate yourself, you’ll likely find a range of options from independent living and in-home care to assisted living and continuing care, all of which include different types of senior care services. Be realistic about the amount of help your loved one truly needs so you can ensure the best match for their needs.
- Set up a time to talk. Tell them about your concerns beforehand so they can start thinking about what they envision for their future. If they feel blindsided by the conversation, they could become defensive. Let siblings and family members know about your planned meeting so they are aware of it even if they can’t be there.
- Talk in person if possible. Choose a time when you are both well-rested and can talk uninterrupted. You may want to meet at a neutral site outside of their home or involve a close non-family member, such as an attorney, physician, minister or friend.
- Use questions with supportive, non-confrontational language while making clear your concerns for your parent or family member. Let them know you care about how they are doing and want to know their ideas for their future.
Sample questions:
“If you decided you would rather not live here anymore, where do you see yourself living?”
“What are things you need help with around the house?”
“How has it been for you living at home? Have you considered whether you’d like to be around others your age?”
- Listen carefully to what they have to say rather than providing an immediate solution. Reassure them that you are their partner in finding a solution to a particular need or issue in their life. Remember to use open body language – no crossed arms or hunched shoulders. Be patient and respectful – you can always restart the conversation if it gets too intense or overly emotional.
- Keep Lines of Communication Open. Although it would be nice to wrap things up in one conversation, you will likely need multiple discussions. It’s okay to take the time to develop a mutually agreeable plan unless you have an urgent health issue or safety risk to address with your parent or loved one at home.
Next steps.
Having this conversation may not be easy, but you can help your parent or loved one navigate their next steps and devise a plan that works for everyone. We want to serve as a resource, so please get in touch with us if you have questions or want more information about the care and living options The Oaks at Flower Mound can provide.